This is a story from Renee, who placed her baby for adoption a few years ago:
“After I chose adoption for my daughter in March of 2006, I was completely distraught. I knew I couldn’t raise her, yet it was so hard to actually give her to another family to raise. I think about her every day and wonder if I could have raised her. I just received my first picture of her and she is absolutely adorable. I spend a lot of time everyday thinking about her and crying.
Deciding to place her was a life-changing event. So, I know that it is not realistic to expect everything to go back to the way things used to be. I have changed from this experience. As my Adoption Coordinator shared with me, acknowledging that this was the right decision for me is the first thing that can be done to help heal and move on. After you place your baby for adoption, it may be difficult to look at anything with too much clarity, but this will get better. For right now, you will benefit most from concentrating on letting your body heal itself from the pregnancy and birth.
Here are some tips that helped me after the adoption; they can help you relax and take care of yourself during this time:
- Take lot of walks, getting exercise helps with depression and regaining your shape after birth , the fresh air is helpful
- A warm bubble bath and relax
- Listen to calming music that inspires you
- Write in a journal – see below on the benefits of this
- Find people to talk to that support your adoption decision
- Think of your goals and where you want to go in your life. Ask for help from guidance counselors at your college of school. Having future plans helps you look forward.
Another great way to help with this adjustment period is to write to your daughter. Get a journal specifically for talking to your daughter. Don’t actually send it. Just keep it for yourself, later if you ever meet when she is older you can ask her if she would like to have it. When you are thinking about your daughter, write to her. Write about the worries you have, the feelings you are experiencing.
Writing to your daughter will help you take care of your own issues as well. You can talk things out with your daughter. Ask her how she likes her family. Explain why you felt this was the best life for both of you. In a journal to your daughter, you can say all the things you wish you could say to her. It will help you find your own peace with your adoption decision and your happiness for the life you and your daughter are about to embark on.
As the days, weeks, months and years pass by; your journal to your daughter will be a guidepost for you. Your life will move on and so will hers. The journal will be a window into this period of your life. You can put whatever items, pictures, or words you want to in that journal. For now, it is just for you. A way for you to take care of your emotional healing. Over time, you will find you have grown from your adoption and you can help others if you chose by sharing your adoption experience to help them with their decisions. The future can be bright and full of hope. The choices are yours.”